


Not a Brother

by mamadeb



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-20
Updated: 2003-03-20
Packaged: 2018-11-10 16:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11130459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamadeb/pseuds/mamadeb
Summary: Fraser is lost in his own mind.





	Not a Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
Not a Brother

## Not a Brother

by Debra Fran Baker

Author's website: http://www.NightRoadsAssoc.com

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta Laura JV. This is from the zine Duet.

Story Notes: 

* * *

Not A Brother 

by Debra Fran Baker 

debra.baker3@verizon.net 

"That's it, Frase. Take one more bite, buddy." 

"He won't hear you, Stanley. Not until he decides to." Ray Vecchio watched his former replacement try to coax his former partner to eat Ma's lasagne. Fraser was barely moving, let alone eating. The bruises on Kowalski's face were almost faded, and he was getting more and more use out of his left arm, and Fraser, who was barely scratched, wasn't saying a word. 

It was worse than when Ray had shot him, when he hadn't looked at Ray once and the nurses had to walk Dief. Of course, he and Stella were taking it in turns to walk Diefenbaker now, since Benny wasn't looking at the wolf and Kowalski wasn't in any shape to chase after him. 

"I gotta try, Vecchio. What else am I going to do? Sit here in your house, eat your food and just watch him do nothing? I can't do nothing. I can't." He brought the fork up to Benny's mouth again. "Open the ice crevice, here comes the dog sled, Fraser." Benny, by some miracle, opened his mouth, accepted the food and chewed it. Kowalski patted Fraser's arm and smiled. Benny stared into space as he swallowed. Just like he'd been doing the past two weeks. 

* * *

Two weeks earlier 

"I'll get that, Raymond." Damian Kowalski grabbed the ringing cell phone. "It might be the station with word on my son." 

Mr. K. had aged years for every day his son was missing. When he wasn't sitting by the cell phone, he was throwing himself into restoring the current project, a pink Cadillac they'd found at an auction. 

Ray slid out from under the car to listen. It had been four days, and even if he and Kowalski weren't best friends, they were all but family at this point. For that matter, Stella was spending a lot of time calling the station, pulling all the SA strings she could, not that she had many left after going to Florida. God. Both of them hated Florida, and both of them really hated that bowling alley. 

"Thank God!... Is he all right?... What's wrong?... Which hospital?... We'll be right there." 

"Is he all right? Mr. K.?" 

"Yes, I'll be there. Thank you, Frannie." He shut the phone off. 

Ray stood up and fished for his car keys. "Which hospital? And we'll pick up Mrs. K. on the way." 

Mr. K. didn't even offer a token protest. 

The emergency department was a madhouse, full of cops and reporters and lawyers and even a doctor or two. Ray, with the Kowalskis in tow, bulled his way through. "These are Detective Kowalski's folks. Are you gonna let us through or am I going to make you wish you had? Where is he? Where's Constable Fraser?" 

It took ten minutes of determined questioning before they were finally led to a curtained cubicle with two uniformed cops standing guard. Ray made his introductions again, and the two uniforms let the Kowalskis in. Ray caught a glimpse of the patient inside--his face was bruised and swollen beyond recognition and something was up with his arm--before the Kowlalskis blocked his sight and the cops closed the curtain again. 

"You're the other Ray Vecchio, right?" A mostly familiar man in a typical cop suit and a detective badge hanging around his neck walked up. 

"I'm the only Ray Vecchio. I am addressing Detective Dewey, correct? The guy who replaced Guardino?" 

"Yeah. He was a good guy. Huey talks about him a lot. Look, I'm glad you brought Ray's folks, but you might as well go home. Mister Vecchio. One of us will take them back." 

Ray took a deep breath. He'd been a cop ten years longer than this jerk, and he was still part of the brotherhood. "I'm Mr. K.'s partner. I think I'll hang around a bit longer." 

"Suit yourself. Just remember, it's police business." 

Vecchio was about to wipe that smirk off Dewey's face when Huey came up. He took one look and figured out what was going on, and took his partner aside. Ray could hear snatches like "--always a cop--" and "--of the best-- " and even 

"--old partner--" from Huey, and Dewey saying things like "I know, but--" and "--married to an ASA--" and "Okay. I'm sorry." Huey shook his head and pointed to Ray. 

Dewey nodded and walked back. "Um. Vecchio. I'm sorry." 

"It's nothing, man." Ray waved it off. "You don't really know me. So, what went down and why isn't Welsh here? And where is Fraser?" 

"Welsh is on his way. He's tangled up in paperwork." Huey leaned on a spare wheelchair. 

"As usual." Ray grinned. 

"Fraser is here. He's in that same cubicle as Vecc... as Kowalski." Huey pointed to it. 

"He hurt? I don't see any Consulate people." 

The two detectives looked at each other. 

"Yes." 

"No." 

They spoke at the same time. Huey took a breath. "It's... complicated." 

"What about Fraser is not complicated?" 

"You got that right, Vecchio." Dewey grinned for a moment. "But this time, we're serious. Fraser could be in a lot of trouble." 

What had that crazy guy done now? "Tell me the worst." 

They looked at each other. Ray could see that unspoken stuff that good partners have, that he and Fraser had had once. Huey nodded at Dewey, who took a moment to think. 

"We've been after this Mr. Big gang-leader type for weeks." 

"Mr. Big got a name?" Ray leaned against a support pillar. 

Huey nodded. "Mr. Big. Hugh Big. Anyway, it was the whole precinct. Uniforms, detectives, even Fraser." 

"Fraser's part of the precinct?" 

"If Welsh could get him on payroll, he would." Dewey's turn again. "We been staking him out. He's been causing a lot of hard feelings out in crookland cause he didn't respect territory. We needed to bring Big in before we had a turf war on our hands--not to mention all the extra paperwork the death and mayhem he was already causing was generating. So we're watching him and his boys, watching them sell drugs and fence goods all over the place." 

"But especially our district." 

"Yeah. Which is why it was us. Anyway, someone was clumsy. We don't know who, although he might have been wearing red." 

"We don't know that, Dewey. He said it was him." 

"Mounties don't lie, remember?" 

They went on like that for a good half hour, giving a tag team report, bouncing it off each other and correcting each other the way partners do. Ray just stood there and listened while they built a tale of drugs and miscommunication and clumsiness, ending with Kowalski getting caught alone. And taken into this warehouse. And held. And while they all knew where he was--they could even see him--they couldn't do anything. 

"And not taking care of a brother cop--that's the worst, you know, Ray?" 

"Yeah, Huey, I know." 

They couldn't do anything because they were waiting for Mr. Big to show up and do something illegal so that they could take him in. That being the point of the exercise. Rescuing Kowalski would screw that up, and they had to hope that Kowalski would understand. 

But Fraser didn't. Fraser wouldn't understand. He kept nagging at them in that way of his, without actually saying anything, just "Uh-huh" and "Of course". And he kept getting more and more agitated--arguing with his dog and with thin air at times, and both Dief and the thin air seemed to be on everyone else's side. But both Welsh and the new Inspector told him to cool it, so cool it he did. But he insisted on at least keeping an eye on Kowalski, and they couldn't refuse him that. So he was there when the goons started having fun with Kowalski. 

"'Fun?' Does that mean what I think it does?" 

"Yeah. Fun with fists, mostly. Kowalski was tied up and couldn't do anything but take it." 

"Fraser went berserk." 

Ray stared. "What do you mean? You mean berserk for Fraser, which would be mildly pissed for normal people, or do you mean berserk berserk?" 

"Berserk berserk. I get scared just thinking about it." Dewey shivered. 

"He went totally cold, Ray, but his eyes were blazing, and it took the both of us and his wolf to keep him back. I honestly believe that when they dislocated Ray's shoulder, Fraser would have killed them. And he wouldn't have done it neatly or politely, either." 

Ray shivered, too. He'd seen Fraser's cold anger before, with the man who killed his father, and had known even then that Fraser had that in him, but he'd never thought he'd see it reach the point the boys described. For once, the ice had broken. 

Then Mr. Big showed up, held a gun to Kowalski's head, and the only reason he didn't kill Kowalski was that Fraser had tossed his knife through the warehouse window and knocked the gun aside. That startled everyone enough that Fraser could break free and charge in after the goons. 

"He went wild in there. We ran after him, of course." Huey rubbed at a bruise on his fist. 

"Yeah, and half the time we didn't know if we were saving him or them. But Big had given us enough proof to bring him in, and he's in a holding cell now with his goons." 

"What stopped Fraser?" 

"No one. He knocked out the last goon and then sat down next to Kowalski and started rocking." 

"Rocking?" Ray couldn't believe his ears. 

"Yeah. Dief wouldn't let us touch him or Ray--Ray was conscious but in major pain, and all Fraser could do was sit there. We called an ambulance, of course. And now we're here." Dewey shook his head. 

"So why is Fraser in trouble?" 

"He interfered with a bust. And he used a lot of force. He's not supposed to do that." Huey didn't sound too upset about that. Ray agreed. If it saved a cop's life, even Kowalski's, it was worth it. 

"How is he? He must be taking all this hard." 

They looked at each other again. This time Huey took point. "We don't know. He hasn't said a word. The only thing we do know is that if we separate him from Ray, he goes nuts. That's why he's in there now. Your sister is watching the dog." 

Ray shook his head. This was unbelievable. The rage part he understood. He even felt a little of it himself--Kowalski was a brother cop and they were relatives by divorce, as the K.'s said about Stella, which made Kowalski family. And no one hurt his family. But the rest--this was not the Fraser he knew at all. Except for that time after her. 

"I'm going to talk to him." 

"He's not talking to anyone, Vecchio." Dewey tried to stop him. 

"He'll talk to me." 

Fraser didn't talk to him. Kowalski talked. He talked about how much his face hurt and how much his arm hurt and how much his ribs hurt and he told his parents it really wasn't so bad, and he just talked. Fraser didn't talk to anyone. The only time he reacted to anything was when they took Kowalski away to deal with his shoulder in privacy. Then they had to hold him back. He still wasn't saying anything, or looking at them. Heck, he didn't even look at Kowalski. But he wanted to be with the guy anyway. Ray did not understand this. Finally, a nurse came with a humongous needle and knocked Fraser out. She left murmuring something about a psych consult. 

A couple hours later, Kowalski was taped and bandaged and fit to leave the hospital. And that produced another battle. 

"Of course you're coming home with us, son. You can't take care of yourself alone." 

"I am not going to spend weeks in your little Winnebago, Mom, when I got a perfectly good apartment with Fraser." When they'd gotten back from their little adventure, it just made sense for them to move in together. After spending three months getting used to each other's habits, it would be a shame to waste the experience. That's what Fraser said. Kowalski just grinned. Guy did have a nice smile. They'd had Ray and Stella over for dinner a couple months ago, when they first got back from Florida. Nice place. 

"Ray. Look at your friend. He's in no shape to take care of you." Mrs. K. lowered her voice. "They'll probably keep him here. Just for observation. You have to come with us." 

Fraser was lying perfectly still on the table, his eyes barely blinking. 

"I am not going to leave my partner in the loony bin. We'll be fine. Look, if you really want to, you can stop by and, I don't know, cook something. And the city'll bring in a nurse if I push." 

They went back and forth until Ray couldn't stand it anymore. By that time Stella had joined them, and he consulted with her. She agreed. "Why not come with us? I have lots of room in my house, and there are plenty of people around to help at. And Ma loves cooking for the two of you." 

Kowalski shook his head. "I can't do it, Vecchio. I got no right to impose on you and Stella." 

"And Frannie and Theresa and her husband and the kids and Ma. We're not going to notice two more. You'll be a lot more comfortable that way. And we can still get that nurse." 

It took a lot more doing, but Kowalski finally agreed. Then there came the Fraser problem. The ER doctors had called a shrink in, and the shrink said that Fraser was clearly catatonic and should be admitted to the loony bin. Ray was all set to kidnap Fraser or something, because he knew that once they got their hands on him they'd never let him out. And that would kill whatever was left of him. 

"That is not going to happen, Doc." Kowalski spoke calmly. "I happen to hold Constable Fraser's medical power of attorney, being as he's my partner. And you cannot commit him without my consent unless he is a danger to himself or others. Am I not correct?" 

"Constable Fraser has exhibited violent tendencies, Detective." The shrink, who looked about sixteen, stood her ground. 

"Only if he is forced away from me." Ray looked right into her schoolgirl eyes. 

"He needs psychiatric care." 

"He's not going to get much out of it if he's not talking, is he?" Kowalski's eyes were lost among the bruises on his face, but it was obvious the doctor felt them. 

"Very well. This is against my advice." She looked like she wanted to say "You'll be sorry", but held back. Instead, she flounced out of the cubicle. 

An hour later, both men were settled in a guestroom with twin beds, with Kowalski's pain medication piled on the night table between them. Kowalski immediately fell into a drugged sleep. Fraser sat on the other bed and stared into space. 

* * *

Two weeks later 

"How long will he be like this, Vecchio? It's been forever." 

"Last time, he didn't talk to me for a month." Ray took a sip of wine. 

"Yeah, but you shot him. I didn't shoot him. I didn't do anything to him. All he did was save my life." Kowalski, still forbidden alcohol, slugged down some coffee and glared at his partner. 

"I don't know what to say, Kowalski. I wasn't there when it went down, you know?" 

"This is driving me nuts. He gets dressed and goes to the bathroom and sometimes even eats if you sort of push him." 

"If you sort of push him." 

"Yeah. But he doesn't do it of his own choice. He has to be pushed. And this is Fraser. He does the pushing." 

"Don't I know it?" Ray shook his head. "You just have to be patient. He'll come out of it." 

Kowalski slammed his empty mug down on the table. "I am tired of being patient. I am tired of seeing him like this. I'm tired of making him do stuff he can do by himself. I'm tired of... I'm tired of worrying what if he doesn't wake up. I'm used to having a nuts partner. I'm not used having a partner who is nuts. I just want him to come home. I miss him." Kowalski turned to Fraser. "You hear that, buddy? I miss you. I miss you rubbing your lip and picking up my clothes from the living room and making bark tea and all the things that drove me nuts up North. I miss you getting on my nerves twenty-four/seven and all the arguments we have all the time. I really miss those arguments. I don't know where you are or why you're running away, but get back here, dammit." He grabbed Fraser's arm and shook it. "Get back. I need you. I don't want to do this cop thing without you. I don't want to go back home without you. I--" He looked at Ray. 

Ray thought he knew what Kowalski was going to say. He nodded. Fraser was his best friend, but Kowalski was family. 

"I miss you. Look, I'm only going to say this once because it sounds silly. I love you, Fraser. And if you don't come back, I don't know what I'll do." 

Fraser stared into space. 

Kowalski dropped his head. "I should have known it wasn't going to work. You won't hold that last thing against me, will you?" 

Ray shrugged. "I love him, too. Like a brother." 

"Not like a brother. Not that anyone is supposed to know that." Kowalski turned beet red. 

That should have bothered Ray, but it didn't. "Does he know? Were you...?" 

"Nah. Mr. Straight as an arrow? Forget it. I kept it submarined. Made it tough living with him, but better than the alternative. Yeah, though. I'm in love with the guy." He ran his good hand over his hair. "You hear that, Fraser? I love you. I don't care that you are nuts or a Mountie or any of that stuff. Or even that you saved my life. See? Pour my heart out, and nothing. Why do I bother? I'd cry, but I figure my masculinity has taken enough of a beating." He grinned instead. 

"Kowalski... Stanley... Ray... look at him. Look at Benny." Fraser was shivering like he'd been out in the middle of Canada with no clothes on. 

"He's ice cold! What's going on here? Frase... Frase... what's wrong?" Kowalski wrapped his good arm around Fraser. "Talk to me, buddy. Come on." 

"I...." 

"That's it, Benny. Talk. Talk to us." Vecchio went to his other side to add his own body heat. "Come on, you crazy Mountie. Come on." 

"I... I... I'm...." Fraser clutched at both of them, hard enough to hurt. 

"You're what, Frase? What are you?" Kowalski looked like he was trying to make eye contact, but Fraser didn't co-operate. 

"I'm... I'm... I'm... sorry!" He drooped in his chair. 

"What're you sorry about?" Kowalski carefully knelt next to him. "You've done nothing wrong." 

Fraser looked at him. Straight at him. "I lied to you. I ran away." His voice was firm now. "I ran so far I lost myself." 

"Why? Why did you run?" 

Fraser turned to look at Ray. "I... I lost myself. I lost control of who I was... I could have killed those men for hurting Ray. My Ray." He faced Kowalski again. "You. All I could think about was killing them, of making them die. I... threw away the rule book. I'm sorry." 

"No one was killed, Fraser. No one was even hurt bad. Except me. And I'm getting better. Why did you come back?" 

"Because you came after me. I was in the middle of an ice field and I was all alone and then you were there and I knew I had to... you had to... I don't know. I don't remember." 

Fraser was lying. Ray knew it. Kowalski knew it. "It's okay. Um. Did you hear what I said?" 

"I... I don't know. But. You. I couldn't let you be alone there. I need you. When they had you... I need you. I... promise you won't hate me too much. I love you." 

"I love you, too." Kowalski's eyes lit up with hope. 

"Not a brother." 

"Not a brother." 

Fraser, still shivering, smiled and held out his hand. Kowalski took it. 

Ray looked at them, and left the room to spread the good news. 

The End 

* * *

End Not a Brother by Debra Fran Baker:

Author and story notes above.


End file.
